my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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