your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
