He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
