If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
