he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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