just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
