I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
