I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
