I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
