She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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