the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
