Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
