Will you blow on my dice?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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