he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
