Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
