He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
