Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Did I show you my penis last night?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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