at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm always down for nudity.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
