Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
