i think i have herpe
just one?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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