Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
