My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
