After last night, I could never be a politician.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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