You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
