what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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