There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
