I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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