I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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