I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
