Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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