this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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