I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
