So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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