Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
