It's just like the Real World with babies
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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