Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
