Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
