I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
