i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
we're so committed to being not committed
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
