I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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