I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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