I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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