"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just found a bag of teeth...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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