god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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