opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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