I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
