So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
