you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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