Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
