so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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