bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i now understand why vodka
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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