Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
