R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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