My balls are so social today.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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